Impossible choices
Moving abroad means making difficult decisions. Then life can get in the way, for example if someone at home falls ill. But it doesn’t stop there.
written by: andi
Because there are the impossible decisions.
Moving also comes with a sense of loss
Moving to another house, even two streets away, doesn’t just come with the stress of moving and the allure of newness. A sense of loss can also creep in, and rightly so, I might add. After all, something familiar has ended. Something is gone.
This can be magnified when we move to another city or to the other side of the country. After all, we’ve left (abandoned) the familiar shops, the neighbours – good or not so good, but still largely familiar – the familiar barking of the dog. The well-known bus schedule (not the official one, but the real one) and the order of changing the lights at the intersection. New neighbours, new dogs, new streets, different shops. It’s an even bigger step when you move to another culture. A different language. Different customs. Different streets. Different mentality. Here you have to start from “zero”. We can’t necessarily go home every month to visit family and friends. Sometimes not even annually. Because sometimes we are separated from them by continents.
Fitting in
Time goes by, we get used to it. Maybe we escape. But that’s a topic for another article 😊
We know the corners; we know where to slow down before the bend. We’ll find out how late the tram/bus is or how punctual it always arrives – after a few late runs. We’ve got to know our neighbours, we’ve mapped out which shops to shop at.
We’ve been home visiting, trying out how different it is to walk around our home/abandoned city with a tourist’s eye. We’re shocked when we realize: gee, we’ve changed. We are curious to explore ourselves, in what, what, where, how… we see things differently, life, goals, successes, ourselves.
We may even have family and friends who have been out with us. They came to visit. We showed them where we lived. We showed off – at least showing our resilience and determination felt good. With what? By the fact that we have more or less found our place, that we feel comfortable, that we know our way around, not only in the surrounding streets, but also in the city. We’ve suffered with the local bureaucracy; we’ve climbed high steps. We feel comfortable, we’ve found our place. We are where we need to be. We belong here (now). And then…
Like it or not, life throws the dice
… and then comes an accident, a serious illness. The doctor’s guess: how much longer we have to live. All this is happening here, in our “out of the woods” pile. A border or two away from where we started. Here we are, just us. And we’re just scratching our heads at what’s happening. Just in case. It’s also possible that we’re sitting dumbfounded from the shock, staring out of our heads. Because we can’t think.
Any reaction from surrender to panic, including denial, can occur. And they’re all normal. In fact, they can even jumble together. One moment you surrender, the next you pick up the gloves and fight. That’s perfectly okay, too!
Whatever you’re feeling, it’s a normal reaction. Don’t beat yourself up over it. So is your partner’s, even if they’re reacting the opposite way. It’s perfectly human to be confused or confused. Your emotions have taken over. Give them time. Get (professional) help! For your partner, too. Why? Because you are facing impossible decisions. As many others have and will face. And that’s no consolation. And rightly so.
What are we suddenly faced with?
Us here, the rest of the family there. The “We” is variable, of course – to each his own. Are we alone, or do we have a partner? Did we come with him, or did we find him here? Does he have a family? And where? Do we have a family left at home? Do “we” include children?
Is there a supportive community around us? Who can we rely on? Who can help? Should we stay here or go home for treatment? If we stay here, what happens? What if we go home then…?
The questions are cruel and cruel. A series of impossible decisions.
No right answer for everyone. In fact, sometimes there is no right answer. And all that’s going on is anything but valid! Because it’s not fair! This shouldn’t be happening! It’s not fair. It’s not fair! But it is… it is. Whether we expected it or not. We wanted it, we didn’t want it, life threw it at us.
And then you have to choose between impossible choices
Do we stay or go? Are we even in good enough health to go? If we go, what will happen to the rest of the family here? Will they come with us, and will we go together?
If we stay, can the people back home come out? What about those whose health does not allow them to come out to us? Do we want them to come? Do they want to come?
What if it is a no and a yes against each other, how can we do justice? He wants to come, but we don’t want him to come. Or would we want him to come, but he doesn’t want to come?
When should he come? How long can he come? How long can he come if there is a visa requirement? How much is the airfare? How much for when? How much did the doctors say? How much are they wrong? Will you get there in time? Or will the visa expire, and you have to go back before the end?
Thanks to the internet, you can now talk live online. Is that enough? In these situations, we are often faced with loose ends. Things that need to be tidied up. The apologies that have not been made. The things we should be doing, and the things we would expect others to do. We can still do the former. And the latter, for our own sake, it may be wise to let go.
And again, why this disturbing topic? Because it needs to be talked about. Because it is not excluded. Although it’s a damn shitty thing to do in life, it can happen. And if we’re prepared for it, at least we’ll have a plan that we can change.
Keanu Reeves was asked in an interview what happens when we die. His answer is deeply thought-provoking and even a starting point: “All I know is that those who love us will miss us.”
“The most we can give our children are roots and wings.” – J.W.Goethe
If you’re starting out with the whole family, or you’re already there and finding it difficult to get started, or you’re moving abroad, or the family is expanding? It is very important that the children settle in easily and that the parents recognize the situation. Starting a new life in a new country is not easy, it is also a mental challenge, but we can do our best to make the process and the transition as smooth as possible by being attentive and prepared!
Ildi helps preschool and school-age children and their parents with difficulties in different life situations, be it educational counselling, getting stuck or moving or changing countries. Even in the face of problems and difficulties, there is much more strength in families than we often think! Ildi helps with confidence, attention, and expertise to solve problems, whether for children or parents, when concerns or doubts arise.
Did you know?
The world’s longest commercial flight took around 30 hours. The so-called ‘Double Sunrise’ service by Qantas, which ran from Australia to Sri Lanka from 1943-45, often lasted over 30 hours, with passengers seeing the sunrise twice. Today, the longest commercial flight is the Singapore Airlines Singapore to New York route, with an average journey time of 17 hours and 50 minutes.
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Source(s):
Original article: Lehetetlen döntések Translated by: Bogi – CONTINENT SURFER
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If so, please support us, every litte counts and much appreciated!
You will help us to come up with useful information regularly, so please support us every once and a while or even on a monthly basis! Thank you!
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