How to get started? Living the grief of saying goodbye
Moving abroad also involves loss, and we need to make room for grief.
TIPS for a painless(ebb) closure.
written by: Mea Barath
Moving abroad can be motivated by a myriad of reasons and goals. Why would you go?
Is it to learn a language? Are you interested in living in a different culture or in a different environment? Are you adventurous? Want to see the world? Would you like to experience living in another country? Would you like to get to know a foreign culture and society in more depth? Would you like to show your children the wider world? Would you like to give them a taste of the diversity of life? Do you hope for a better future for them abroad? Does building your own career look more promising abroad? Are you motivated by financial plans? Do you plan with excitement mixed with fear? Or do you feel like running away?
Whatever the reason for moving abroad, leaving your home country is an important and stressful part of the process.
Whether you are going alone or with family and children, you cannot ignore the importance of saying goodbye. Closure, letting go, and experiencing grief are also crucial for later integration in a new country.
To find your place, you must first be able to let go of what you have left behind.
The sense of grief is triggered by loss. Even if you are full of excitement about moving abroad, looking forward to the future with hope and anticipation, you must remember to say goodbye to what you are leaving behind.
The grieving process is not only triggered by the death of a loved one. It can also include a break-up in a relationship, divorce, leaving your parents’ home or a failed exam, the loss of a job, retirement and, of course, moving house. These events typically involve a change in the way we see the world and ourselves. Phenomena that were previously thought to be constant and experienced change or disappear completely. The process is painful. Avoiding experiencing a sense of loss can lead to becoming stuck and stuck in moving on.
The stages of grief:
Denial
Self-defence mechanism to protect from pain.
Anger
Moving on from suppressing emotions. Blaming oneself, others, or circumstances for the loss experienced.
Bargaining
Also, a self-protective stage, seeking comfort through rational arguments.
Depression
Letting the pain of grief come close. Experiencing grief is a stage of facing loss.
Acceptance
The words of Noémi Orvos-Tóth express the way forward. It doesn’t go away, life just goes around it.”
In preparing to move abroad, we should not make the mistake of trivialising and denying the loss that our decision will bring. We need to let go of family ties and friendships – even if online contact and visiting each other are given opportunities, distance will cause difficulties. We need to let go of familiar places, familiar routines and habits that give us a sense of home. We leave behind places of memories. The apartment, the house that was our home, and in every corner of it our life breaths. We leave behind some of the things we won’t take with us on our new start abroad. And familiar landscapes shrink behind us.
I vividly remember the weeks before we moved abroad. We were living in the countryside and I could see a beautiful field from my window. I loved the view. When we moved to this little house in the village years ago, I fell in love with it. Then the dream of a trip abroad arrived in our family, we started planning and finally packing. On the mornings before departure, I would regularly sit up in bed and look out the window for long periods of time. I tried to take in the sight. To absorb it into my cells, to store it away, to merge with it, to take it with me. Finally, on the last morning, the image blurred as tears flowed from my eyes. As much as I would like to, I can’t take it with me. It will fade. It will remain a memory.
In my mind, I thanked the field. And to the One high above who gave me this beauty day by day.
It was with sadness, yet with a grateful heart, that I said goodbye to this landscape that was so healing for me. I let go. I left it behind me with anticipation, convinced that something was waiting for me wherever I was going. I was ready to explore and receive the gift that had been prepared for me.
On the fridge, we started keeping a “bucket list”. Everyone, parents and children alike, wrote down where they wanted to go, who they wanted to meet, what they wanted to do before they left. With a tight schedule, but we managed to tick everything off the list, we were able to live the goodbye moments that were important to us. We had our favourite places to visit as a family. We left memories at certain lookouts that were important to us.
We consciously visited these places of shared memory, intending to say goodbye.
We also invited our friends to a last bacon barbecue in the garden of our house, and together we closed the period of our lives here.
We ate one last meal at the kids’ favourite street food restaurant and played in Budapest’s Károlyi Garden, where I pushed them in a pram. We collected gravel from the Danube to take on the long journey.
We enjoyed these “last trips”. Sometimes we were sad. We also cried. We said goodbye.
How can we help our children?
We can help them by keeping them at stable points. As far as possible, the daily routine should not change! Let his favourite soft toy accompany him through the process of moving abroad! Cook her favourite meal in the new place, put on the bed linen at home! Most of all, we can help our children by our example. Let us mourn in front of them, with them! Do not hide the pain! But let us also take comfort together, give thanks for all we have had, and build a path of joyful anticipation for the future that awaits us.
Let us mourn the loss so we can look forward to adventures abroad!
Did you know?
Grief is so intense on the body, it takes time to heal. Healing through grief takes time to get our left and right brain talking to each other again, and this takes time. It cannot be done overnight. That’s not how the brain works. “We don’t return to our usual activities immediately after heart surgery, yet somehow we expect to bounce back after the mind scramble of losing a loved one.” So give yourself time, friend. Lots of time.
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Source(s):
Original article: Hogyan indulj útnak? A gyász megélése búcsúzáskor Translated by: BOGI – CONTINENT SURFER
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Like what we do?
If so, please support us, every litte counts and much appreciated!
You will help us to come up with useful information regularly, so please support us every once and a while or even on a monthly basis! Thank you!
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